ebookgroup

Emotional Health is concerned with such things as:

• naming, recognising and mandaging our own feelings;
• identifying with and having active compassion for others;
• initiating and maintaining close and meaningful relationships;
• breaking free from self-destructive patterns;
• being aware of how our past impacts our present;
• developing the capacity to express our thoughts and feelings clearly, both verbally  and nonverbally;
• respecting and loving others without having to change them;
• asking for what we need, want, or prefer clearly, directly and respectfully;
• accurately self-assessing our strengths, limits and weakneses and freely sharing them with others;
• learning to capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotyiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others;
• distinguishing and appropriately expressing our sexuality and sensuality, and
• grieving well.

Contemporary spirituality focuses on:

• awakening and surrendering to God's love in any and every situation;
• positioning ourselves to hear God and remember his presence in all we do;
• communing with God, allowing him to fully indwell the depth of our being;
• practicing silence, solitude and a lifde of unceasing prayer;
• resting attentively in teh presence of God
• undersatnding our earthly life as a journey of transformation toweard ever-increasing union with GOd;
• finding the true essence of who we are in God;
• loving others out of a life of love for God;
• developing a balanced, harmonious rhythmn of life that enables us to be aware of teh sacred in all of life;
• adapting historic practices of spirituality that are applicable today;
• allowing our Christian lives to be shaped by the rhythms of teh Christian calendar rather than the culture, and
• living in commited community that passionately loves Jesus above all else. pp 45-46

Biblical self-understanding

I hold myself in high regard despite my imperfections and limits
I am worthy to assert my God-given power in the world
Iam entitled to exist
It is good that I exist
I have my own identity from God that is distinct and unique
I am worthy of being valued and paid attention to
I am entitled to joy and pleasure
I am entitled to make mistakes and not be perfect. pp 54

A more mature relationship with God:
Talking at God - parroting
Talking to GOd - finding our own words
Listening to God - two way relationship
Being with God - enjoy being in the presence of God pp 55

In emotional health :
I break free to live in the truth.
I break free by choosing to live the unique life God has given me
I break free by acknowledging my brokenness and vulerability
I break free from the ness to attach myself to accomplishment, things or people's approval
I break free from generational patterns of my family
I break free from the illusion that there is something richer, more beautiful  than the gift of loving and being loved. 59

No one can know God who does not know himself first (Meister Eckhart)




How can you draw close to God when you ate far from your own self? Grant lord that I may know myself so that I may know thee Augustine ad 400

65



8 Fsmilies of emotions

Anger

Sadness

Fear

Enjoyment

Love

Surprise

Disgust

Shame 69



False self - I am what I do. What I have. What others think. 75ff



Differentiation capacity to define life goals and values apart from the pressures of those around them. 82 ff



0-25
Can't distinguish between fact and feeling
Emotionally needy and highly reactive to others
Much life energy for goal directed activities
Can't say I think ... I believe
Little emotional separation from families
Dependent marital relationships
Do poorly in transition,crises and life adjustments
Unable to See where they end and others begin.

25-50
Some ability
Most of self is a false self
When anxiety is low they function well
Quick to imitate others and change in order to gain acceptance
Often talk one set of principles yet do another.
Self esteem saws with compliments or is crushed with criticism
Poor decisions under stress
Seek power honour knowledge and love to clothe false self

50-75
Aware of teh the thinking and feling functions that work as a team
Reasonable level of 'true self'
Can follow life goals that are determined frm within
Can state beliefs calmly without putting others down
Marriage is a functioning partnership where intimacy can be enjoyed without losing the self
Can allow children to progress through developmental phases into adult autonomy
Function well alone or with others
Able to cope with crises without falling apart
Stay in relational connection with others without insisting they see the world the same.

75-100
Is principle orientated and goal directed - secure in who they are, unaffected by criticism or praise.
Is able to leave family of origin and become an inner directed separate adult
Sure of their beliefs but not dogmatic or closed in their thinking
Can hear and evaluate beliefs of others, discarding old beliefs in favour of new ones.
Can listen without reacting and communicate without antagonising others
Can respect others without having to change them
Aware of dependence on others and responsibility for others
Free to enjoy life and play
Ablw to maintain a non-anxious persence in the midst of stress and pressure
Able to take responsibility for their own destiny and life. 83 ff

Dark Night of teh Soul
Journey in three phases: beginners, progressives, and perfect. To move out of the beginning stage , he argued, required the receiving of God's gift of teh dark night. 122

1. John of teh Cross said that Gos sends us 'the dark night of loving fire to free us:
2. pride - the tendency to condemn others and become impatient with their faults. They are selective in who can teach them.
3. Avarice - discontent wit hthe spirituality that GOd gives them. They never have enough learning, are always reading many books rather than growing in poverty of spirit and their interior life
4. Luxury - they take more pleasure in the spiritual blessings of God thanGod himself.
5. Wrath - they are easily irritated, lacking the cross and choose pleasures like children do
6. Spiritual ebvy theyfeel unhappy when others do well spiritually. They are always comparing.
7. Sloth: they run from that which is hard. Their aim is spiritual sweetness and good felings. 123

 If you understand , it is not God you understand (Augustine) 129

We carry many defensive maneuvers into adulthood to protect ourselves - they block us from growing up spiritually and emotionally.

• denial - we efuse to acknowledge some painful aspect of reality.
• Minimizing - we admit that sometyhing is wrong, but in such a way that it appears less serious than it actually is
• blaming others - we deny responsibilty for our behavious and project it upon another.
• blaming yourself - inwardly we take on the fault
• rationalixinfg - we offer excuses, justifications, alibis
• intellectualizing - we give analysis, theories and generalities to avoid personal awareness and difficult feelings
• distracting - w cahnge the subject or engage in humour
• becoming hostile - we get angry or irritable 141 ff

Part of growing into an emotionally mature Christian is learning how

• to be quick to hear and slow to speak
• angry and not sin
• speak the truth in love
• be a true peacemaker
• mourn
• not bear false witness
• get rid of all bitterness, rage and envy 177

• scripture
• silence and solitude
• Daily Office
• Study

•  sabbath
• simplicity
• play and recreation

• service and mission
• care for the physical body

• emotional health
• family
• community - companions for the journey pp 200